For The Game Player

Author: Patty Slack

Remember the games you played as a child? Remember the kid you didn't want to play with because she would throw a fit and quit whenever she began to lose? That kid was me. I was so notorious for quitting that there was a house rule—if Patty starts a game, she has to finish it. My brothers enforced the rule with vigor. At some point I gave up playing games because I didn't like what they brought out in me.

But wouldn't you know…I grew up and gave birth to a game lover! Clue Jr., Memory, Monopoly, Dominos, Cadoo—if it's a game, she loves it. We call her “The Game Queen” and part of being the ruler of game world, apparently, is the ability to dictate which game will be played, by whom, at what time, and with what special rules.

"Mommy, play cards with me."

"Not right now, honey. Mommy's busy."

It didn't take her long to notice that when game time rolled around, Mommy was always busy. Oh, I’d sit in on a game once in awhile, but I often left early to get dinner ready, scrub the toilets, or rake the leaves—anything to get out of playing a minute longer than I had to.

I'm ashamed to admit it, but it took me a long time—years, actually—to realize that my willingness to play with her was directly proportional to how much she felt I loved her. When I said, "I don't want to play right now," what I meant was, "I don't want to play right now because I don't like games." But what she heard was, "I don't want to play because I don't like you." As soon as I realized what my actions communicated to her, my attitude began to change.

But that wasn’t the only thing that helped change my attitude towards games. I received a package from my brother and in it contained a game—and not just any game. It was the only board game I ever liked as a child, The Sinking of the Titanic game by Ideal®.

Oh, the hours we spent moving our captains around to the different cabins to rescue passengers. The thrill rose as the boat sank. We rushed for the lifeboats and did whatever was necessary to survive at sea until the rescue ship arrived.

It was time to put my new-found resolution to play with my daughter to the test. I set up the The Sinking of the Titanic game and showed her how to sink the boat. She was so excited about both the game and how we could play together.

At first I was irritated that she was winning. It was my game! But then I caught the look of pure delight on her face and decided to join in on the fun, we even started giving accents to the different passengers.

Game playing has become easier for me since I realized that it's really not about me. Game time is about love. I thought I was showing love by cooking and cleaning, but that's the way I would like to be loved. I expressed my love through picking out clothes I knew she would like, or buying her Christmas presents, but that's the way a friend would like to be loved. For “The Game Queen,” it's games, games, games.

If it takes a game a day for her to be secure in my love for her, then a game a day it will be. I may still squirm in my chair when I'm losing. I may want to walk away sometimes. But there I will stay. Not because anyone made me, but because my daughter is worth it.

But you know the real kicker? As I put on my game face (smiles all around) I'm starting to enjoy our game time together. I find myself giggling like a ten-year old, rooting for my kids—whether they're on my team or not, and starting to understand how fun game playing can be.

And, I'm finding that games help my daughter learn to think logically and strategically, they teach her the value of thinking ahead, and the unfairness of chance. But most importantly, she's learning to be a gracious loser and a gracious winner.

And sometimes she even lets me win.