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Stop The Fighting
Author: Mark Brandenburg
Fighting among siblings is as natural as the changing of the seasons. And contrary to what many parents believe, sibling rivalry is a sign of mental health in a family. While there may be times when it's difficult to deal with the fighting, there are a few simple things you can do to limit the fighting and make it tolerable.
Ignore The Fighting
Fighting is often a way for kids to get you to notice them. If you ignore their fighting (unless weapons are involved), there will be less incentive for them to continue fighting it.Don't Take Sides
When dealing with their squabbles, treat your children the same. Don't allow yourself to get put into the middle of the fighting because if you get into who started what, you may be training your children to become victims and bullies.Use Positive Reinforcement
To combat their need for attention through fighting, give them attention when they're cooperating and being kind to each other. It's easy to forget to compliment children when they're behaving, but it's vitally important that you let them know they're doing a wonderful job—especially when they get along. Give them attention for behaving the way you want and it may actually stop the fighting.Limit Parent Squabbles
When your children see you constantly fighting, it sets a bad example. So curve your own fighting and arguing. And remember, your kids learn how to be peaceful from you. Don't expect them to cooperate with each other if you don't show them how. Finally, if you must argue in front of the kids, let them see you "make up".Create Cooperation
By creating an environment that nurtures getting along, you instill the value of cooperation. Do projects together as a family that give you a reason to praise each other, talk about how important it is for the family to get along, and avoid games or activities that promote fighting or excessive competition in your kids.Train Your Kids To Be Peacemakers
It's hard to talk to children about being peacemakers in the middle of a fight so save those talks for later. Talk to your kids about fighting at a time when they're more relaxed and open to hear what you have to say. Ask them about their last few fights, ask them what other options they might have taken to resolve their problems, and help them brainstorm better solutions.Give Consequences, Not Punishments
When your children fight, try to avoid punishing them as it usually just creates angry kids who are more likely to fight in the future. While some punishment may be inevitable, do your best to give consequences instead. Taking away privileges related to the incident may cause them to think twice about how fighting.Control Your Reactions
When you must intervene, make sure you stay calm. When you're angry and shaming, you only make matters worse. Don't let your children see that their fighting has gotten to you. Stay calm and reaction out of love, not anger or frustration.Limit Fighting Opportunities
Think about what has the potential to start fights and keep your children away from those situations. For instance, if your children fight over the same toy simply because it's a different color, don't buy two different colored balls. Buy two red balls and avoid the fight. Also pay attention to the times in which fighting occurs. If your children fight more when they're hungry or tired take precautions, like having dinner ready before the bewitching hour' occurs.Love Your Kids
Children need reassurance. They need to know that you don't favor one child over the other, that you don't love one child more than the other. Every day tell your children, individually, that you love them, and more importantly—show them. Kids who feel emotionally connected to their parents are the least likely to fight. This won't eliminate the fighting altogether, but it will lessen the fighting.
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