Include Whole People In Your Dialogue

Author: Stephen D. Rogers

In our discussion of dialogue, the topic of tags surfaced many times. Tags are used to identify the speaker, and the simplest example is, "Robin said."

A page of "said" is better than a page sprinkled with "stated," "asked," "responded," "denied," and all the other shades of "said." Change the pattern of your tags, trust the reader to calculate who's speaking three exchanges later, and understand that no one will even see the word "said" if you've done those two things.

That said, there's a better alternative.

What the characters do during a scene is called business. Use business to not only replace tags but to reveal character and paint your setting.

"I'm changing jobs." Robin's hand shook.

"I'm changing jobs." Robin swung, the wood sending the ball left into the middle of the pond. Plunk.

The first example draws on character, and the second on setting. Both reveal how Robin feels, either about what he just said, or how he expects the listener to respond.

"I'm changing jobs." Robin's knuckles turned white.

"I'm changing jobs." Robin brushed muffin crumbs off the table.

Note how those two very different examples of business color what Robin said. Choosing the correct business to explain dialogue is much better than hunting the thesaurus for variations of "said" or tacking on an adverb such as "happily."

But we're not done with the business of business.

"I'm open to suggestions." Sue crossed her arms.

Sue says one thing, but her body says another. Does she realize she's contradicted herself or not? Additional business can answer that question, or the other person can ignore Sue's words and address her action.

"I love you." He took me into his arms, probably to get an unobstructed view of the television.

In this example, the narrator comments on the business, but is she telling us more about him or herself? In either case, we've heard one thing and learned quite another about their relationship.

"That last party stiffed me on a thirty-dollar check." The waitress placed a half-empty ketchup bottle on the counter, spun off the cap in one easy motion, and poured in the remains of a second bottle. She noticed me watching. "It's called marrying. And no, I'm not interested in trying the other kind."

In this example, the business comes from knowing both the character and the setting. More than just tagging the dialogue, this bit of business also serves to take the reader inside a possibly unfamiliar world.

One reason that readers enjoy specific and unique settings is that these give the readers an opportunity to visit a new place or sub-culture.

Does your story actually need to occur in present-day Anytown? Set the story within a mortuary, the two characters talking while one prepares a body. The business you include will rivet the reader.

Use what you know (or can easily research) to add business that brings the setting to life. Remember all the instructional manuals and how-to articles you've written and read? Can you unblock your memory of the evening Stan cornered you, describing in painful detail the daily experiences of a professional plumber?

Weave the details within a conversation that stands on its own.

Don't settle for pat business. "He smiled." "He nodded." "He looked at his hands." Reach deeper and produce business that enriches the story.

Read your pages to make sure you include whole people with inner lives who exist within a real world. If not, business is where you can make the most efficient improvements.

Include Whole People In Your Dialogue

Author: Stephen D. Rogers

This column first appeared on DM in 2008, but we think you'll agree that it still has some good information!